#and generally i feel a lot better already

[lovelylonelinesssvt]

Back to You- Jeon Wonwoo. Pt. 2

Pairing: idol!Wonwoo/friend!Reader

Word Count: 9k

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, denial of feelings, idiots in love, slooow burn, some suggestive smut

Summary: What happens when the universe suddenly wants to test your friendship? Your feelings? Are you two mature enough to talk to be strong? Is this just young naïve love between best friends? What happens when there’s no communication between you and Wonwoo?

Misunderstandings, overthinking, hiding feelings, not thinking straight, denying the truth and even joking about it will test you; Not to mention being far from each other  changes everything. Perspectives and feelings are on the line. Wonwoo is your best friend, but being best friends with an idol is a lot harder than it seems and even harder if you work with him and enter the chaotic world where SVT exists.

“I never thought the universe, God or whoever that is above us will be so against me”

General warnings: explicit language, arguments, mentions of death, grieving, nicknames: Sun, Pea(hers) mention accident, mentions of blood, temporally memory loss, drinking, sexually suggestive situations, sexual tension in the next chapters. Reeeally slow burn. just one more and everything gets better.

SPECIFIC WARNINGS for this chapter: friendly bullying/teasing and a very hurt not thinking straight and mean Wonwoo in this chapter. angst and pure miscommunication.

The mention of Wonwoo’s mom passing away and I mean no disrespect about it. May she rest in peace, I am not assuming this is how Wonwoo would react or feel. I mean no disrespect to him or to his family about that topic. I know this is a sensitive issue and I apologize, however it is NOT the main topic/plot

This fic will be divided into chapters

Tag list: @jjungseol @dianasvt82 @syluslittlecrows @armycarat2612 💙

A/n: ^^ (never thought i would actually write that part lol )

Read here Pt. 1.

A/n 2: trying to take deep breaths.. okay here we go.

Wonwoo stood by the door watching the workers place the flowers around the wall, lighting up the candles and all he could do was watch. Wonwoo thought he had already cried enough, right now he just felt like he was on automatic pilot.

He was aware of his surroundings but didn’t care. He ate and drank water but the taste of everything was plain, he couldn’t enjoy the flavor of anything.

Looking at his mother’s picture at the center of the white flowers arrangements made him feel too much, feel everything and make it real.

He’s sad that she’s gone, glad that she’s not in pain, frustrated that he wasn’t next to her and that he was stupid for leaving the hospital when she was clearly saying goodbye.

Wonwoo felt all that at once, those feelings slowly suffocated him.

 Wonwoo looked to the main door, he saw his father, he was talking with a couple, and one simple look and he knew who the woman was, he knew because that woman looks just like you.

He didn’t know if he should approach them, more like if he could do it. The memory of you was too much for him right now.

Wonwoo’s father tried to talk to him to talk to your parents, but he avoided them.

He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, also he didn’t want to be disturbed right now, somehow the more the time passed and the more he knew your parents were here, the more a new emotion started to grow inside him.

It became impossible for him to not feel it, because grief was starting to take control.

Grieving is hard, different and complicated for each person. The loss of a parent is not easy, it’s heart wrecking.

How can you say goodbye to the person who raised you? Who loved you always, supported you, believed in you. How can you say goodbye to the person you lived with all your life?

It is painful, it opens wounds and takes a part of you.

You change, your whole life changes.

Grief is a very sensitive subject, and there are times when that grief takes over and makes you think do and believe things that are not true.

Even channeling the pain towards the wrong person.

Feeling anger.

That emotion was dangerous to Wonwoo. It was not only because he lost his mother, but because your parents were there.

You weren’t there.

Wonwoo was angry because his mother left.

Wonwoo was angry because you weren’t here

Wonwoo is angry because he thinks you left him too.

It’s been almost two weeks since you arrived in Korea, and just now, you were free to see your parents.

You saw them the day you arrived but after that you did not see them or talked to them again, it was a little bit of chaos.

You thought moving back was going to be hard, but it was way worse.

So many things had to be done before you could be available to have free time, there were things you couldn’t postpone and things that took almost all your time.

You wanted a place of your own, you missed home, and you love your family yes, but you also got so used to being independent and living on your own that coming back to living under their roof was not something on your list.

You tried to do everything as fast as you could, for him.

You tried your best to find a way to reach Wonwoo, you were now in the same country and city; so now you went with your first and only hope.

“Honey! Welcome home!” Your mother hugged you as soon as the door opened “shoes!” she screamed when you stepped inside.

“I missed you too mom” you just chuckled

“Honey, you’ve finally settled in, right?” your mother pointed out as she walked to the kitchen and kept cutting what she left on

“Yeah, mostly” Your apartment was a chaotic mess, to say the least, but admitting that to your mother implied a big scolding and her trying to clean everything for you. You chose to make her believe you had -just for her sake- and yours.

You were sitting by the kitchen window “I finally got a hold on the manager, and he will meet me next week”

“That’s great! And you got everything you need, right?” she asked while she turned to the stove.

 not everything

“yeah, I got it under control”

You tried to wait, but you needed to ask.

“Mom, you went to the funeral” you said with a shaky voice “did you get his number or his father’s number or something?”

“I couldn’t exactly ask for it, sorry honey” you felt your eyes tear up and sighed deeply. How are you going to reach out?

“I do know that his father bought a cafe, and I know where it is” you looked at her and suddenly felt like a jolt of energy burst through you

“Where?!” You almost shouted, and your mother just chuckled, and with a bittersweet memory, she recalled what she spoke with Mr. Jeon and where the cafe was situated.

After a couple of hours that felt like an eternity, your mother finally let you leave. As much as your mother wanted you to reach out to Wonwoo she made you wait. She pulled out the “I’m your mother” card.

You get it, she’s your mother and she comes first.

Now you felt a little bit more relieved. You talked to her and told her about your fears and how you also needed to see him, but now you know where to look for him.

The whole ride from your parents’ house to the cafe had you sweating, it felt like you were inside a sauna.

There was a feeling that you tried to push aside, but the closer you got the more you felt it.

Fear.

Fear of breaking down in front of him, fear of looking at Wonwoo and seeing a totally different person, or him not remembering you.

Finally, when you arrive at the cafe, you felt nervous, of course you would feel like that, it’s been too long since you’ve seen him, seen anyone really, the fact that Mrs. Jeon is gone, makes it 100x times harder, and makes you way too anxious.

Opening the door, you saw a few couples and people reunite, the whole cafe was warm, the main color was blue and it looked really pretty, it was really a calm and soft environment.

Just like she was.

You spotted the barista focused on checking the money. With a deep breath you walked to her.

You can do this; you can do this it’s just a simple question.

“Hello” you said almost too soft that you thought she didn’t hear it.

She looked up at you and smiled brightly.

“Hello, my name is Da-eun, welcome! what can I do for you?” the girl smiled and bowed. She is really pretty and had the sweetest smile you’ve seen.

 She didn’t look older than you but not much younger, her hair was tied up and her bangs made her look adorable. You were mesmerized by her in the cutest way possible.

It was one sentence, yet her aura and voice were full of energy and something sweet that could almost make you feel happy.

“Oh, hello” you cleared your throat trying to gather strength and thinking what to say “I’m l-looking for Mr. Jeon? Or Jeon Bohyuk”

“Mr. Jeon left an hour ago and he won’t be back till tomorrow” she tapped her chin thinking for a few seconds. “I’m not sure but I think Bohyuk will come in today, wait here” she walked to the back,

All you could think was, what if you have to wait till tomorrow again?

It was not the worst idea but the anxiety about wanting to talk to them, to him, was eating you alive.

Daeun came back to the front with a small smile “I just talked to Bohyuk he’s actually on his way here, he said he’ll be here in about 10 minutes”

“Oh! Perfect thank you very much” your heart started to beat faster, last time you saw Bohyuk he was a small kid. You felt nervousness built up way too fast and you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

10 minutes felt like an eternity, Daeun recommended you a sweet, house special latte and with that adorable face, you couldn’t say no to her and you bet that’s why they have so many customers.

As you took one last sip of your drink, you heard the main door open, with three tall male figures fighting to get in, a girl pushing one of them to the side

“Hyuk-ssi seriously, you can’t possibly think bobpul can beat up kkuma and latte” the small girl chuckled and rolled her eyes “bobpul is too tiny”

“hey! Bobpul can fight those two in a second” the tallest male pushed her slightly causing all of them to laugh and how effortlessly he pushed her that she lost her balance.

Before she could fight back, a voice spoke from behind them, that voice was familiar, it was his voice but didn’t want to get your hopes up

“Gyu stop it”

That voice, you know that voice and it sent chills down your spine. It’s him and all you could think is that you’re not ready.

“Hello! Welcome!” Daeun bowed, the small girl walked behind the counter to hug her

“Hi Daeun, how’s work” she smiled widely as Daeun relaxed her posture and sighed

“it’s going well, but the anxiety I have for tomorrow’s audition is killing me” she said rubbing her temples “Yeeun is way too relaxed about it, and I don’t know how to feel about that”

“she’s not that good” the tallest one mumbled and Daeun just chuckled

“oh, okay sure” she snorted shaking her head

“Daeun, you said someone was looking for me” you saw Bohyuk lean into the counter

Your heart stopped.

“Oh yes!” she exclaimed, you sat up straight and looked away trying to control your breath “She’s over there” and you could bet she pointed at you.

Ok it’s time, relax breathe.

You could feel your heart beat rise, gathering the last bit of strength you turned to look at them and saw Bohyuk starting to walk to your table.

You weren’t that far from the counter and as you saw him you got up

The moment he saw you he froze on the spot as you took off your scarf. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. Maybe you were.

You saw he blinked a few times and smiled still unsure

“Noona?” he said almost not believing his eyes “is that you?”

“Hello… uhm hi” that was all you could say with a small smile. With just a simple hello you heard how shaky your voice was, and you could feel how your body was also shaking a bit

The girl from before and the other two turned to look at you confused when Bohyuk squealed like a little kid

“Noona!” he reached out to you hugged you tightly, he really did grow up “it is you!” Behind him you could see how the two guys’ eyes widened in your direction.

Both of them were taking off their masks and you saw him rearrange his glasses, you couldn’t see clearly his expression, happy? Sad? But the way he said your name sent shivers all over you

“y/n”

It wasn’t a question; he didn’t sound surprised or excited. Out of all the scenarios you had in your head about this encounter none of them prepared you to something remotely close to this.

You saw his face, his posture, all of him tense up at the sight of you there.

The moment your eyes met his, a whole storm in his head started to form.

-

“Daeun said someone is waiting for me at the cafe do you guys mind if we stop by?” Bohyuk had asked from the back of Mingyu’s car.

“No problem, but we’ll get a free coffee right?” Mingyu said with a smirk “and free muffins?” Wonwoo chuckled, so far he’s been one of the few people who make Wonwoo smile right now, even if is just for a moment.

Wonwoo loves his members, and they have been very supportive, but sometimes just one is enough instead of 12, for him at least.

Mingyu is the most reliable for it, not just because he’s his roommate, but because he’s been the best friend he needed.

Somehow his aura just makes Wonwoo feel calm and just good even if it is for a little while.

Mingyu has been the best one out of the 12 right now but Wonwoo won’t admit that in front of him, or the rest of the group.

Everyone will be sulking and arguing about how they are better, and it would be chaotic, and he’s not up for it right now.

They walked inside the cafe and Mingyu started arguing about how Bobpul could beat kkuma and latte, pushing Hyeon a little causing her to trip

“Gyu stop it” Wonwoo smiled a little through his mask and started to look at the menu, but something felt odd, he felt uncomfortable so suddenly and he couldn’t put a finger on what it was.

“Daeun, you said someone was looking for me” Bohyeok leaned into the counter and Daeun smiled

“Oh yes!” she exclaimed, Wonwoo often thinks she’s too energetic sometimes, but he won’t deny it she’s adorable, but she still has way too much energy.

She reminds him of her, of both his mother and y/n at times and now he remembers why he doesn’t come here as often as he should to see how his mother’s cafe is doing.

Wonwoo kept looking at the menu deciding what to get so he could leave as soon as possible, but then he heard Mingyu gasp looking at Wonwoo’s brother who froze like he had just seen a ghost

“Noona? Is that you?” he squealed and Wonwoo tried to get a better look “Noona it is you!”

No, it can’t be.

Wonwoo took off his mask and adjusted his glasses looking at the girl Bohyuk shamelessly hugged. He felt like all the air left his lungs and his heart stopped only to beat 100x times faster.

She’s here, she’s standing there hugging his brother and smiling.

“y/n”

Surprised, glad, sadness, nostalgia, disbelief, resentment, disappointment and anger, Wonwoo felt all that in seconds, yet he didn’t say anything, he couldn’t form a sentence, he didn’t want to.

Wonwoo just stood there for a moment and all he could think now is, what the hell was she doing here?

“Uhm, Hi, hello…. Hi” she looked like a total stranger to him, so different now even though they did plenty of video calls.

This was the first time he saw her in person in years.

“I was, uhm I wanted to talk to you” you said, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear and fixing it after Bohyuk finally let you go “to both of you”

You looked at Wonwoo for a moment that felt like hours and that did it for him.

“We definitely ha—" Bohyuk tried to speak

“I’m leaving” Wonwoo couldn’t do this right now, it was not happening, so he just put his mask again and took the car keys from Mingyu’s hand abruptly 

“Wonwoo” Mingyu tried to take the car keys back “what are you—” Wonwoo just scoffed and rolled his eyes

“I’ll wait in the car” he just mumbled walking past Bohyeok looking straight ahead, he didn’t even look back at you

“Woo!” he heard you, but even though a part of him wanted to go to you, he just couldn’t.

He really didn’t want to do this now

You looked at Bohyuk and he shook his head, you could see he was a bit frustrated and exhausted. As if this was normal.

“he’s been… he didn’t uhm” Bohyuk just looked away rubbing his temples

“He’s not taking it well” You recognized him now, how can you forget.

Kim Mingyu.

Seventeen member, Wonwoo’s roommate and best friend. “hello Noona” he said softly with a small smile. He was always gentle and bubbly, but you can see he also changed. This man is not bubbly, at least not right now.

Even if there was something that changed you could see two things didn’t, his kind eyes and a smile that will always bring comfort.

“Hi Mingyu” you tried to give him a smile, but your mind was all over the place, you looked at the door “I need to talk to him, I’ll be back Bo” you rubbed Bohyuk’s arm and tried to walk out the cafe but you felt a hand gently grab your arm

“Noona, be careful” Mingyu looked at you then at the door and sighed “he’s still grieving and he’s just, really really not himself right now, keep that in mind please?”

Frowning you nodded as he let your arm go, allowing you to walk out.

Wonwoo was looking at the ground playing with the car keys and… smoking?!

Since when does he fucking smoke!?

“Wonwoo what are you do—" before you could say anything else he just held up his hand and threw the cigarette away, barely touched.

“Leave” he didn’t even look at you, he was trying to avoid any contact with you.

“Woo”

“No, don’t call me that. Leave me alone”

“Wonwoo, I want to talk to you” you were almost whispering, confused and scared.

“I don’t want to do this right now and I really don’t want to talk to you” he groaned and rubbed his temples

“Why not? Talk to me please! I came here to see you and your family; I’m here for y—" he scoffed letting out a fake laugh

“Here for me? really?” Wonwoo’s expression, you can’t even describe how dark and angry he looked “where were you two months ago when my mother got sick?” he started to rise his voice “where were you when she died? when we had to arrange the goddamn funeral? When we had to bury her?” he stepped closer to you, making you flinch “where were you when I needed you?” his eyes started to fill with tears, and you could see his anger. He looked like a totally different person.

“Wonwoo, I wanted to come here I jus—"

“No! you weren’t here Jung y/n you left me. You didn’t even called when this happened!” he yelled “who the fuck does that! Even Somi went to my mother’s funeral!”

“What?!”

“Yeah, Somi came to the funeral, and she was there with me” you took a step back, Jeon Somi, you felt something stir inside you at the mention of her name “she was there next to me, and you weren’t, how the fuck is that right?”

“You were with her?” you were trying to repeat it thinking maybe he can change the answer

*-*-*-*

2017

“Basically, that’s what’s going on right now at Uni” you sighed while letting yourself fall on your bed while Hana was on the floor trying to draw something for her project “but anyways, tell me how your week was?”

“It was ok, we had rehearsals yesterday for the comeback showcase, as usual Dokyeom kept busting our ears oh yeah Mingyu broke the vlog camera when we went bowling so I don’t think we have enough footage of that day”

“Why am I not surprised?” you laughed with Wonwoo “too bad I’m here I would’ve loved to beat you at bowling!”

“I bet you could beat up Chan and Gyu” he chuckled “uhm what else? Oh, we saw the girls from I.O.I.  well, more like Gyu dragged us to them”

“Well, that’s new” you laughed listening to him but you could feel how Hana looked up at you tilting her head

Something inside you felt uneasy, your chest tightened and a really uncomfortable feeling started to build

“There was—"

“Noona!” you saw someone snatch Wonwoo’s phone “Hi!! Look seriously Wonwoo needs a reality check, he had one poor girl almost fainting over him and he was proud of it”

“I was not proud!” you heard Wonwoo shout “you were the one flirting!”

“Oh please, your ears turned red the minute she asked for your number and to go on a date” he chuckled “she’s— what was her name again? Somi?"

“She asked for a date?” you asked rather loud, but you couldn’t help yourself. Hana also stopped what she was doing to listen to the conversation.

You didn’t care, all you could think about was how too straight forward that was and you didn’t like that at all.

“Yeah! She’s got balls, she was flirting and all! I could even see the way she was like drooling over Wonwoo Huyng” Mingyu laughed at the memory “I think that made Wonwoo Hyung’s ego get too high, and he liked it”

“Oh really.” you lifted an eyebrow and chuckled “tell me more about this girl, Somi” Mingyu’s smile was slowly fading and turning into something more awkward.

Mingyu was sweet, clumsy and a yapper who sometimes rambles about the weirdest things, but he knows how to read a person, how to read a girl considering he has a sister, so he just looked at Wonwoo and then back at you, his expression replaced by a mischievous awkward smile

“Uh ha, oh my! I think I left the stove on I should go” Mingyu chuckled passing the phone back to Wonwoo who was clearly glaring at him

“you’re not even using it! Yah! Kim Mingyu!” Wonwoo shouted, he rubbed his forehead and sighed. “He seriously is exaggerating everything”

This is interesting, a new girl.

“Oh really?” you smiled adjusting yourself on your bed “so, she didn’t ask you out?”

“Uh. she did” chuckling he tilted his head “but I didn’t say yes”

“You didn’t say no!” you heard Mingyu shout in the background making Wonwoo groan, Mingyu was really testing his patience.

“Seriously Kim Mingyu mind your own business”

“You should go with her” as soon as you said it Wonwoo looked at you with wide eyes. “It could be good, I mean I might go on a date too”

As soon as those words came out of your mouth you regretted it.  Hana and Wonwoo stared at you with their mouths slightly open.

“What? A date with who?” Wonwoo exclaimed and Hana left her stuff on her bed approaching you, sitting in front of you out of Wonwoo's sight, she had this eager ‘gossip’ look.

“Oh, right well his name is uhm Jae” you cleared your throat “yeah, him so, look you go with Somi I go with Jae, it would be like a double date but from afar”

Hana was in shock and then threw her head back holding whatever curse word she would say after and sat back on the floor rolling her eyes muttering something.

“I see, well then I might call her” he said way too serious and the whole vibe changed.

“Yeah you do that, I might call Jae then”

“Right, well I have to go Seungcheol hyung is calling for us” he sighed rubbing the back of his neck, his smile looked way to forced, almost fake “let’s call later to catch up on our dates, bye Sun”

A tiny moment of silence, both of you were waiting for something, neither of you know what it was.

“Yeah sure, bye Won” so you decided to hang up first, you tossed your phone pinching the tip of your nose. This was not good.

“I can’t believe you said that” Hana shook her head and sighed “out of all the boys in our class, out of all the boys at this university, you picked Jae?”

It was funny, Jae seemed the quietest guy ever, you’ve barely talked. He lives in the building with another girl who you assume is his girlfriend. You don’t really care to be honest.

Jae’s name was the first name that popped in your head, it didn't matter it was a lie after all.

“I just, I couldn’t help it”

“Pea, you lied to him why?”

“I honestly don’t know, it just slipped out” you covered your face with the pillow groaning “I don’t want him to go out with her she’s annoying”

“How do you know that?” she laughed a little before staying silent for a few seconds “Pea, are you jealous?”

“What!? No of course not. I just don’t want him to get around annoying girls”

“You are jealous Pea” Hana giggled and sat next to you waiting for you to rant away

“He’s my best friend” this feeling you had was fear more than anything. Wonwoo is your best friend. It’s wrong, but all you could think of is that he’s yours.

It was simple, you just were afraid that someone else, some annoying girl would take your place as his friend, you were scared to be replaced.

Yeah, that’s what this is.

*-*-*-*-*-*-

 Back 2022

“Oh? did that piss you off? Yeah, that pissed me off too”

You sighed and looked up trying to calm yourself and the green monster that was threatening to come out

“Why are you mentioning her? I’m trying to explain myself to you”

“Well, I don’t want to listen to you, I mentioned her because it’s fucking hilarious how she was there, and you weren’t my oh so called best friend”

“Wow, Jeon Wonwoo you really are something” you sighed, you probably shouldn’t do this right now “are you comparing me to Somi?”

“What, does that bother you? oh good” he chuckled it was bitter, and he was straight mocking you to be honest

“God damn it Wonwoo” you rubbed your forehead, frustrated by this interaction and tried to calm yourself “I get it, you’re mad but please stop, let’s just talk”

“Fine, let’s talk” his expression darkened and his posture hardened “let’s talk about how it was so easy for you to leave, let’s talk about how you cut me off from your life because you were now a college girl in England surely living life, let’s talk how you weren’t here for my mother, how you weren’t here for me”

“Wonwoo” your voice was now lower but firm this escalated too fast, and it is going to end up badly because slowly, you were getting frustrated “are you going to keep lashing it all on me or are you going to calm down and listen? Why are you making this so difficult”

Wonwoo scoffed and raised an eyebrow taunting you almost

“You made it difficult not me” he looked at you, his expression cold and distant something you never expected to see.

This was an angry Wonwoo that you’ve never seen before. He’s right, he had changed.

“Wonwoo please, can you just listen to me for a moment? I know you’re hurting I just”

“No, you don’t! You don’t know what it feels like” he yelled making you flinch

“Then talk to me, I’m right here!” this whole thing was too much, so now it was you begging. Wonwoo was angry, you get that and Mingyu’s words were the only thing keeping you from snapping back at him.

Wonwoo is not himself right now, he’s still grieving.

“Oh right, you are here now” he scoffed, his eyes still cold, and his expression didn’t change, he was still angry and frustrated “Tell me, who do you want to meet? Let’s get this over with”

“What?” speechless you just blinked a few times before those words sink in

“There must be an idol or celebrity you want to meet now that you have a ‘famous best friend’ ” he crossed his arms and looked at you with a smile that scared you, and a Wonwoo you didn’t recognize “otherwise, why would you come back?”

For a few seconds you were in shock, frozen. What he said was confusing you, frustrating you and certainly offending you.

Does he really think that?

“Are you fucking serious right now? We’ve known each other for years and now you’re— Wonwoo, do you really think that low of me?” you were holding your tears, hurt mixed with anger. Right now, you couldn’t tell if he was serious.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think” he let out a chuckle shaking his head

 “You’re angry, I get that. Now you’re yelling at me without letting me talk and then you compare me to Somi” your eyes were now filled with tears, but you didn’t let them fall. No matter what, you’re not going to cry, not yet. “And now you think I would use you?”

Wonwoo’s anger was still boiling inside him, he’s still seeing red and hurting, and he wasn’t thinking straight letting his emotions take over him.

“No, you’re right I shouldn’t compare you to Somi” he paused and chuckled, but his stare remained cold and distant, he just stared at you for a few seconds “because she was with me, she was by my side that day making me feel like someone else cared. She was a better friend in 2 days than you this whole time”

Wonwoo froze he regretted the words that left his mouth, he regretted everything. The anger that was suffocating him and clouding his mind and reasoning dissipated, making him feel the weight of everything he just said.

Standing there you felt like everything was spinning, and all you could do was stare at him, mouth wide open but no words coming out.

Did you hear him correctly? Did he just say all that to you? Wonwoo looked away and without saying another word he got inside the car and drove off.

Cold. That’s how you felt.

Like you were pushed inside a freezer, without moving for a few seconds just trying to let it sink in. Still trying to understand what happened.

The boy, no, the man that stood next to you was a total stranger.

That man looked nothing like the boy you knew, the awkward guy with soft eyes, shy bright smile and glasses; the slim tall guy, black soft hair and sweet deep voice was nowhere to be seen.

Not because he was grown up, no.

That boy simply wasn’t there. Mingyu was right, he’s not himself.

Maybe you just didn’t know him anymore, he did change.

“Noona, Let’s talk inside come on” you didn’t even hear when Mingyu walked to you. Still speechless by what Wonwoo said you followed him to sit down with Bohyuk.

“Daeun can you please bring us some water?” Mingyu said while sitting down next to you “Noona”

Mingyu’s voice was soft, sweet and calm. Like he was just trying to calm down the storm, he knew you were trying to fight inside.

“S-Somi there that day?” you didn’t even recognize your voice. Mingyu wanted to lie, but he witnessed everything and saw how hurt you were, he just looked down

“Yeah, she was”

“Well, that’s just” it was like another affirmation to how shitty all this was “just fucking perfect” Wonwoo didn’t just say it to piss you off, it was true. Sighing you covered your face with your hands feeling more and more heavy with guilt and hurt.

“Here’s the water” looking up you thanked Daeun, and she just smiled and placed a hand on your shoulder before she left.

Bohyuk was quiet, Mingyu was looking at you softly understanding what happened and the girl next to Bohyuk tried to give you a small smile

Looking at her you remembered that you haven’t even talked to her properly

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry” you got up and bowed, how rude of you “I didn’t introduce myself, I’m y/n nice to meet you”

“Oh my! it’s okay!” she smiled shaking her hands standing up to bow back “I’m Hyeon nice to meet you Unnie”

“Ah please, you can talk comfortably please” you sat down “same for you two, please”

“But—"

“No buts, really it’s fine” you smiled trying to hide the fact that you could actually feel your heart breaking

“He didn’t mean it” Mingyu said tilting his head when he saw you spacing out “I heard what he said, and I can assure you he did not mean it”

Smiling a little while looking at the glass of water you wondered and for a moment you believed it. That’s what you wanted, to believe he didn’t mean what he said just a couple of minutes ago.

It wasn’t easy, he didn’t say you had a bad haircut, that red is not your color or that your shirt looks weird, it was deeper.

“Well, it sure sounded like he meant every single word” you took another sip of your water “look, I get it, he should be upset with me, I wasn’t here and for that Bohyuk, I’m really sorry”

“What? No! You don’t have to—" he finally looked up, his eyes completely wide and he looked alarmed by what you said. Bohyuk never thought about blaming you for anything.

Despite what just happened, his previous joy was genuine, he missed you and remembered you fondly.

“I need to apologize, I’ve known you since you were a toddler Bo, and I wasn’t here to be with your dad, with you. With him.”  You cut him off and tried to hold back the tears “your mom was the most wonderful, sweet and beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to her, and it hurts to think how you guys must’ve felt. God I’m so sorry” you wiped away the tears that fell down your cheeks “I should’ve taken the money I had saved and come here, I could’ve—"

“No, Noona stop” Bohyuk’s voice was firm as he took your hand that was gripping the glass of water way too tightly “if you couldn’t make it, you must’ve had your reasons because I’m sure you wanted to come”

Bohyuk had grown up, he had the same eyes as Wonwoo, he was always a kind kid and you remembered how he used to follow Wonwoo around everywhere when they were kids, how he was an awkward teen before you left. You remember how on weekends he would wake up with his hair all over the place, never tamed and it was a feature Wonwoo also had.

Thinking about how you were going to explain everything, you took a deep breath

“I lost almost everything I had in a fire; shortly after that I got covid and I made it out alive just by luck, the university helped me with the care. Did you know that the treatment for covid was expensive as fuck? I was damn lucky and thankful for the help I received” you took a breath and looked back at Bohyuk with tears in your eyes

“When I saw the news... it broke my heart but I had no money to travel twice, the University had a hold of my files and my moving date was just two weeks after the… after your mom. I wanted to come here, I really did and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it” a small amount of weight was being lifted off your shoulders, but it was still there. Taking a deep breath you continued “I moved back to Korea two weeks after that happened, and I finished settling down just like 4 days ago. I had everything scheduled and I couldn’t change it, I tried” you sighed

Even though the fire was 3 years ago you still had issues, and you had debts because of it. It wasn’t easy to recover.

“Noona, you had your fair share of issues that stopped you from being here” Mingyu placed his hand on your shoulder his warmth grounding you “and it’s completely valid, Wonwoo’s grief is talking for him, you know damn well he’s not like this”

“Mingyu, it’s been 7 years, people change and from what I heard out there I’m pretty sure he did change these 3 years we lost contact”

“Wonwoo’s not like this Noona" Bohyeok said softly “he’s in pain, he’s in this bad place where he blames himself and everyone for her death”

Trying to gather your thoughts, it was impossible for you to not blame yourself, to think you could’ve done more.

“Look, I don’t know you that well, but I do know Wonwoo oppa and he needs someone who knows more of him, although Mingyu and the members had been with him for long, I believe the bond of childhood kind of beats the idol trainee years” Hyeon said making Mingyu gasp and place a hand on his chest

“You’re saying he doesn’t need us? That he doesn’t need me. How dare you!”

“Still a dramatic guy I see” shaking your head you chuckled and Mingyu smiled triumphal and warm.

“I made you laugh, so that’s good” he chuckled, and all you could do was just give him a small smile because he was trying to help you, but it doesn’t feel right, your best friend is mad, furious at you.

It’s making you believe he hates you.

They tell you he didn’t mean it, but you do believe he did. Mostly because he knows how to get to you, he knows all too well that all he said hurt you and he still kept going. He chose to say it, so he meant it.

“I’m sorry, this is all my fault” you looked down

“Stop apologizing, we don’t blame you for anything” Bohyuk spoke firmly, after a few seconds he tilted his head and smiled “you should see my dad”

“Oh, I don’t know Bo”

“I know he would love to see you. Dad has a soft spot for you, and you know it” smiling you nodded knowing damn well he does.

“Damn it, Jeon Wonwoo” Mingyu almost slammed his phone on the table, as he scratched his neck “he refuses to come back for us, seriously I’m going to kick his ass”

“Wait he’s not coming back?” Hyeon said almost choking with her coffee “but I left my stuff in your car, and I have to go back to my parents”

“I’m going to call someone, maybe one of the members can come pick us up”

“I could take you, please it’s the least I can do” you looked down as you replied softly “It’s my fault he left”

“We don’t want to be a burden"

“Stop, I’ll take you guys. No buts” you smiled and clapped your hands “let’s go”

“Okay Noona” Mingyu chuckled at you when you glared at him now remembering they kept calling you Noona “hold on, I’ll get something to go”

“Me too” you walked with him to the counter and in a corner, you could see Daeun talking with another girl, and as soon as she spotted you, she ran back way too bouncy to the counter.

The girl just smiled at her fondly, and you saw how she looked like her a bit.

“Hi!” Daeun smiled and tilted her head “do you want something else?”

Waiting for Mingyu to speak, you looked up and he was staring at the girl, raising an eyebrow you saw them share a strange look; a silent conversation going on that looked like both parties were annoyed at each other, so you just chuckled.

“So, I would love that drink you gave me to go please, it was delicious” Daeun smiled wide, and her eyes sparkled

“You really liked that?” she giggled while taking in the order “it’s my personal favorite, but no one asks for it”

“Well, it was great, you did amazing” you smiled and then turned to Mingyu, you nudged him finally getting his attention.

What’s with him anyway?

Mingyu scoffed and looked back at Daeun “What do you want to order Mingyu?” you raised an eyebrow at him waiting for him to come back from the silent war you just witnessed

“Ah yeah, uhm I think I’ll get an am—"

“Americano” the girl in the back said with a chuckle walking to Daeun “so predictable, see you at home Di” she patted Daeun and then looked at you and bowed and as soon as she made eye contact with Mingyu she rolled her eyes walking away.

Mingyu followed her with his eyes but mumbled something as he rubbed his temples.

“Uhm what’s going on?” you whispered to Daeun who just giggled covering her mouth

“Honestly unnie? I’ve been asking myself that for days” she shook her head with a smile as she prepared the drinks.

As soon as the girl left, you looked around to see if Bohyuk and Hyeon saw this weird interaction, but they were in their own conversation.

Clearing your throat, you tried bringing back Mingyu from his trance. Shaking his head he looked back at you as if nothing had happened

“Hello” you grinned crossing your arms and raising your eyebrows while he had this confused but frustrated look on his face.

While for you everything was obvious, he tried to minimize what you just witnessed

“What?” Mingyu crossed his arms copying your posture

“You like her” tilting your head you heard him choke with his own saliva

“I do not, how do you- I mean why would you think that” he shook his head making a disgusted fake face “I definitely do not like her” avoiding your eyes he scoffed

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that” you chuckled “I just got here, and I already know the answer”

“Done! Here’s your order” Daeun approached with your drinks and a tiny paper bag marked with a smile and a ‘be healthy and happy Unnie’ she smiled “this is a double chocolate muffin secret recipe, it’s on me”

“What? No, I can’t take it I’ll pay for it” you nervously said trying to give back the bag, Daeun just shook her head and looked at you with puppy eyes and a sweet smile too adorable to say no to her.

“Please, it’s on me unnie” she smiled “I truly believe a muffin can help to heal a broken heart”

Feeling your heart skip a beat, her words took you by surprise, you realized that for a tiny moment, you forgot about everything and suddenly you were reminded why you were here in the first place and what happened with Wonwoo minutes ago.

Feeling your eyes tearing up and touched by her gesture, you smiled, and it was the first genuine smile that healed a tiny spot in your heart. She doesn’t know you, she saw everything, and she wishes you well.

“I don’t—” You sighed and whipped a tear that almost fell “Thank you Daeun” you said as you bowed at her

“Why does she get a free muffin? I have a broken heart too” Mingyu pouted making you and Daeun laugh at him

“No, you have a huge ego and I don’t have a muffin for that” Daeun stuck her tongue out like a small kid fighting with another kid and laughed “please come back again and enjoy your drink!”

“I don’t have a huge ego she’s the on—” Mingyu took off his hat to run a desperate hand through his hair before putting the hat back and taking a deep breath “whatever, thank you Daeun” Mingyu mumbled still spacing out

Daun giggled and bowed looking at you with a wide smile scrunching her nose, a gummy smile that almost closed her eyes and now you know why you liked her instantly, she reminds you of her.

“If you’re done daydreaming, Bo and Hyeon are waiting for us”

“I’m not thinking about her!” Mingyu whined stomping his foot as you got back at the table.

“I didn’t say you were thinking about her” you grinned looking at him “you came up with that on your own” you looked back at Bohyuk ��come on let’s get going”

“Oh yeah, he’s home” Mingyu said as you parked your car, he sighed dramatically “that’s my car, I’m surprised he didn’t crash it”

“Come on Hyeon let’s get your stuff”

“Oh! Wait” You remembered that you bought something for them.

Everyone got out of the car and you opened the trunk “I brought this, for you guys”

“Noona” Bohyuk smiled weakly as you pulled out a basket of flowers, white lilies and orchids and another box of rice cakes “you didn’t have to”

“I did” you smiled “hey it’s for all of you, including your dad, Wonwoo and Hyeon” you winked at her and Hyeon smirked

“let’s go babe, I want to eat them!” Hyeon giggled taking the box of rice cakes from you “thank you unnie, it was really nice to meet you, I really hope we can meet again” she bowed but then changed her mind and gave you a little hug which you returned surprised but gladly. She’s nice.

“Thank you Noona” Bohyuk said looking down, you knew he was trying not to cry as he shook his head and cleared his throat “give me your phone, I’m seriously going to take you to see my dad, no buts!”

You just smiled, he was always a little stubborn and determined to do what he wanted to do, that never changed. After you gave him your number, he hugged you.

“it was nice to see you again Noona”

“Bo I told you, no Noona please” Bohyuk just chuckled

“I won’t get used to it, but I’ll try” he took Hyeon’s hand and looked at Mingyu

“You guys get going, I’ll be there in a minute” Mingyu smiled tucking his hands inside his jacket, Bohyuk and Hyeon nodded and started to walk to the entry of the building “So, what’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t know” you sighed, your mind was partially blocked and confused, “what would you do after your best friend said the most annoying girl is a better friend than you?”

“Look, we both know Wonwoo, and he’s not like that” he sighed “he’s just sensitive and he’s grieving, he’s not thinking clearly”

“I’m trying to believe it, but I’m also hurt Mingyu, a part of me actually believes I should’ve done more, that he’s right and that she’s actually better than me”

“I’m going to say this one last time Noona” Mingyu placed his hands on your shoulders forcing you to look at him “you had your reasons, and what I heard was enough to know that it wasn’t your fault and Somi is definitely not better than you so stop it okay?”

“you’ve always been kind Gyu” you tilted your head looking at Mingyu who looked back at you with wide eyes and chuckled

Mingyu was warm. Like a warm blanket was placed on your shoulders. Mingyu’s kind smile and voice soothed a small part of your barely functional broken heart, and you were thankful for that.

“That was random” he said smiling, giggling softly you raised an eyebrow “what?”

“You have a crush on that girl”

“No I don’t!” he exclaimed way too loud and fast causing you to laugh

“Why are you so defensive?”

“B-because I have no interest in that girl” he crossed his arms full on sulky mode “she’s annoying, she can’t dance, she has bangs, she has a weird habit when she’s concentrated and it bugs me, I can—” you smirked and he rolled his eyes “what now?”

“you’re just trying to excuse yourself, but I could bet 3 million won that those ‘negative’ things you described are the things that you actually like about her and noticed first”

“I did not”

“I’m going to stop here, because you should figure what you feel on your own” you chuckled “but I can tell you something, from that tiny interaction, I know something’s going on”

“There is nothing going on Noona” he stomped his foot down but laughed with you “I should go, I can actually feel Wonwoo looking at us through the window planning how to kill me”

“I doubt it, he can’t see that far, because I bet another 3million that you live on the top floors” you giggled at the thought, Mingyu shook his head

“Don’t underestimate a man’s heart, love gives you superpowers” Mingyu said with his hands on his hips striking a pose making you laugh but it faded quickly as you looked up at the building.

Love gives you superpowers, love.

Without thinking much about it you got inside your car, Mingyu walked to the door once you closed it and leaned into the window as he frowned at you

“He doesn’t love me Mingyu” you sighed turning the engine on and tried to smile at him as he groaned “you should get inside” Mingyu just rolled his eyes

“Fine, but give me your number” you tilted your head and before you could say anything he smiled “I’m up for more talking and updates”

“Oh yeah! I need more updates about that girl” you liked this. He had this charm that it’s really fun to be with him, even if it was just minutes, he’s a ray of sunshine and you can see why he’s everyone’s favorite.

“I don’t li- you know what never mind, be safe Noona” he laughed and waved as he walked to the building.

This visit didn’t go as planned, but it could’ve been worse, or that’s what you’re trying to believe. Taking the bag, you pulled the muffin out, it looked way too cute to eat it. Taking a bite you savored it and you felt tears in your eyes.

This was her recipe you know it is.

What you don’t know is if this will heal your broken heart.

Reading what Daeun wrote on that bag, you couldn’t help but think how can you be happy right now? What should you do now, Leave him alone? Wait for him to calm down? Insist?

This is so confusing. You don’t want to lose him, but you don’t want to be a pain in the ass, not to mention you’re hurt too.

“I hate this”

------------------------

Read here Pt. 1.

A/n: This is just the beginning, the next one will be better, a rollercoaster of emotions and more exciting stuff happening

Thank you for reading, never thought I would get this far! I hope I keep doing a good job. Please be kind and patient, i'm still learning.

Love, Ella x

[endivinity]

Regarding your Fallout fic, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not tell you that gamma gardens and 'atomic farming' - a process back in the 50s that was just exposing crops to a fuckload of radiation and seeing if any of the resulting mutations produced anything good.... as well as selling gardening kits to housewives with actual radioactive material for them to just. bury in their yards.

IRL, it did have some positive results, creating several new breeds of more productive fruits and vegetables... that is, the professionally-handled ones. The ones with actual radioactive materials handed out to housewives... yeah that shit absolutely killed people.

Now imagine what could result in a world like Fallout's, where radiation REALLY goes ham... and where companies like Vault-Tec wouldn't let little things like "morals" get in the way of getting people to pay them for the right to nuke their own gardens.

Ooh holy shit this ties so easily into the FO4 intro sequence where they're trying to use nuclear energy for good things. and it also ties it into use of a G.E.C.K because in what nuclear-based world would radiation NOT play a part in a rapid regrowth kit . because it even says on wikipedia that the gamma gardens were intended as a more peaceful use of atomic energy vs for warfare

here's the thing: I don't think vault-tec would even consider it to be evil, though it certainly has applications in dubiously ethical experiments (and for sure THOSE would be seen in play. hydroponics, greenhouses, other major agricultural vaults where they swap out the radiation type) (shout out to vault 22 love u and ur freak style weeds mwah) - in a lot of places it would just be seen as the norm. probably for upper class families who can afford a garden, and in farms. Nobody would bat an eye. they already got fusion cars and pipboys. and by that point most of the repercussions (noted in wikipedia - "plants further out [from the death zone] often featured tumors and other growth abnormalities. Beyond these were the plants of interest, with a higher than usual range of mutations") wouldnt be really happening in a documentable way or suppressed by higher ups bc they want to sell more thing!! who cares about later this is the atomic renaissance and we can make big dollar

Later down the line, without human supervision bc theyre fucking dead, gardens and lab-grown experiments would go absolutely ham. the lumpy ones and the safely-mutated ones would crossbreed. naturally the entirety of plant life in proximity to nukes would be subjected to this on an immense scale but like... thered definitely be Some plants grown already exposed to radiation with like. tolerance or at least better adaptations to radiation as a whole. several of those would be repurposed into wide scale crops etc. i also want some old lady's personal atomic garden of flowers to have taken over an entire suburban area with snapdragons that can fully conceptualize morals and choose to be Evil about it

even more fun is the idea that agriculture-focused vaults wouldn't even notice the effects until a generation or three in. ghoul vaulties, bc theyre obviously still gonna eat their food, it's the only option, but...

hey this has fun implications for the Slog or Greygarden doesn't it?

[elodieunderglass]

He’s good isn’t he!

The “making him a meme” interests me - he is a meme on purpose. - while Gold Ship is Such a Guy, there is also a deliberately cultivated celebrity culture surrounding racehorses in Japan that highlights them as athletes, encouraging people to identify with them and become fans (rather than the “punter” culture prevalent in countries like UK, Australia, and America.) it isn’t necessarily better, but it creates an entirely different atmosphere around the horse.

Hollie Doyle, riding in Japan, stated:

The fans are unbelievable. It's quite incomparable to anywhere else I've been. Their love and respect for the horse is on a different level. The merchandise the JRA provides is incredible and the fans are able to purchase “turfies” which are replicas of their favourite horses. After you've ridden a winner, you spend a long time signing autographs and merchandise for them. If I was in the next race, I'd feel guilty that I had to go and couldn't sign everyone's, as they are so keen and passionate. I remember walking out of Nakayama on the last day and there were hundreds of people queued up for Tom and I to sign things. It's very sweet, the fans themselves are in it for the right reasons.

She also adds:

There is so much we could take from the way the Japanese have built their domain. We have a lot to envy when it comes to the logistics of racing in Japan, starting from how the betting turnover goes straight back into the prize-money. They don't cut corners and they appreciate the long game, investing in middle-distance horses, which they are now reaping the benefits from.

It is impossible to do any jockeyposting without engaging with The Gambling Thing. The gambling thing is AWFUL. Most horse racing followers are the WORST PEOPLE YOUVE EVER MET IN YOUR LIFE. It is impossible to ignore that. It is a sport that encourages itself to become a Capitalism Microgame, at the price of the lives of short kings and slow horses. And that’s unsustainable, because young people don’t have the kind of money or interest or access to “a day at the races” to be interested in it for the athletes.

Apart from the class of unattractive people, prevalent in Britain, who like to get smashed and shout at horses - younger people just are NOT interested in horse racing. The golden names of Secretariat, Seabiscuit, Man o’ War, Phar Lap, Shergar, Red Rum - these legends all belong to our parents and grandparents - you can see the horizon when we just stopped caring.

So, of course, since it’s lost the attention of The Normal Public, horse racing caters to the audience it has left: to the absolutely awful gamblers, and the rich billionaires playing a stock market horsie genetics lootbox game. In doing this, the horse becomes disposable to the audience, people who are not famed for kindness anyway; the jockey even more so.

In Japan, they’re doing something different. Despite the global drop in interest and poor bloodstock markets, horse racing still generates enormous revenue; what if, instead of scrambling for the attention of already-jaded gamblers (who consider horses’ lives utterly indistinguishable from online casino games) you planned to create markets with emotional investment. Of course they want people to gamble - but if you add in the “fandom” element, keeping it sport-focused, you can keep people’s attention. You can market it as something to follow. You can generate emotional investment in the sport beyond Horsie Win Me Money.

And that is the idea of the long-term planning, the construction of middle-distance tracks and the breeding of middle-distance horses, the VERY high purses, the custom color-coordinated tack, the horse plushies. The horsegirl anime. Celebrity lore around horses. Getting jockeys to do sexy calendars. (Imagine Ryan Moore doing a sexy calendar. I mean, I can, but - )

All of this is just to say - Gold Ship is a Guy of All Time, extraordinarily silly, and I’m quite fond of him, especially as I craft my own story with a realistically eccentric racehorse. But there are other horses like that! There are thousands like him (no, really - his grandsire Sunday Silence covered 2000 mares.) He lives in a culture where it’s especially pulled out and celebrated, because it makes him memorable and engaging - YES he should be a memelord. Making him a meme is a precise, strategic, smart move. It’s certainly ensured his long and comfortable retirement. Most ex-racehorses around the world aren’t promoted to pasture ornaments.

Engaging with racehorses as celebrity horses is possibly the only way to have a healthy relationship with the sport - a sport that possibly shouldn’t exist - and there are horses like Gold Ship in every racing country. Much to ponder.

Anyway yes! This is what you get when you @ me!! I’m not sorry anymore!!

[alwaysshallow]

— coffee at midnight, part 14

John "Soap" MacTavish x f!reader

Military consumes your private time - to the point that you pretty much can't live without it. All of the boys from Task Force 141 are just like brothers, not only best friends – you know that you can trust them with your whole heart.

Somehow, one of them manages to steal it completely, and that's on Johnny MacTavish. Over months, you learn that's harder and harder to ignore that burning feeling in your heart. (3,5k)

READ ON AO3

previous part

“A lot of red,” Alejandro remarks.

You give him a quick look; then, you look again at yourself in the mirror. It’s something you don’t see often—red lips, a pair of maroon martens (that definitely seen a better day; now they’re more brown-ish with just a splash of red) and fingertips smudged from fixing your lipstick way too many times, anxious how it’ll look. Probably he means exactly that with a lot of red, as he looks at your fingers and back, a clever smile on his lips. 

You roll your eyes and shake your head. He’s playing with you. You don’t have to pay attention to that.

“So, would a red purse be too much?” you ask, amused, looking at him in the mirror, watching how he fixes his hair. 

He shrugs. “I would paint my face all red, if you’re asking me, chiquita.” 

You laugh at his comment as you grab the black purse and head towards the door. You are already running a little late. “I can paint yours. I love red, but not that much.”

“Yeah? What’s your favorite color then, black? Blue?”

“I don’t know, actually.”

Oh, you know very well.

And it’s for the most cheesy reason whatsoever.

You’re sure you’ll remember this color for the rest of your life; or the whole palette of undertones, if you’re being honest.

Electric, the type of color you see in the battlefield or in heated arguments. When you bite your tongue, instead of saying something too mean or too offensive, and he’s just challenging you like he’d want to check what you’re going to do in this situation. You slap him multiple times in your mind, as you say to yourself you have to be smarter than him, and the upper hand in this situation is yours. No matter what it takes.

In reality, all it takes is you turning away from him, and he’s pulling you back into his embrace, murmuring something about your damn temperament. And that’s a win.

You’re also a fan of royal blue. In moments where you melt too much, where you start to show the true version of yourself that is way too fragile for your type of profession. Way too open. 

Thankfully, it’s limited to situations with him, where you don’t care what you show and what you feel.

It’s just you and him on repeat. On leave, on the mission, it doesn't matter where you are or with who you are, everyone can see the two of you together. Serious or unserious, like right now in the car, where you two continue to annoy the shit out of Price, who only grumbles something about kids these days which you decide to ignore, even if tomorrow you’ll run 50 circles around the base.

So, yeah, you just love blue. For the most cheesy thing ever, and that is a man whose weight could easily crush you.

Not that you would’ve mind it in any scenario. When his fingers find a way around yours, and you can see how much bigger his fingers are, you feel sick to your stomach. He could manhandle you easily after a little fight.

(You know that if you would just ask him, he could do it in a heartbeat. You would’ve been in his bed by now, and not even God knows for how long. Maybe you should ask him. No more hide and seek, no more pacing around each other. It does sound tempting to you. No restraints.)

At the bar, you try not to think about it. About him, in general, as it’s not a really safe environment for doing that; and thankfully, you don’t even have to try; Task Force 141 quickly occupies your mind with nonsense. 

The recent soccer news (that you don’t follow—the only one team you support is France, and it doesn’t seem like they approve of that), how Gaz offered to change a tire for a nice lady when he was on his break, and how he was just brushed off.

And God, of course Gaz starts a burping contest, and you’re disgusted enough.

Sometimes, you’d love to have another girl on the team, other than your mom. Maybe then they would behave better, and a drink break from them wouldn’t be a necessary option to rest. 

Or maybe it would be still, you don’t know.

Politely smiling at the waiter, you order a few drinks (mostly beers and shots; right now, it doesn’t really matter—after an hour and a half, boys only want alcohol, not specifics). You don’t chat with her, but you make sure to leave a tip while you wait, observing your team from a distance. They’re annoyingly loud, marking their presence quite well, but you can’t stop smiling while you look at them. It’s something rare, to see them chilled and not pent up about work stuff.

When you come back, they’re already on another topic.

"I'm just saying, everyone wants to be in a relationship at some point, amigo. That is just the way the world works." Alejandro points at Ghost. The Brit doesn’t comment much on it; just scoffs, and drinks the rest of his bourbon.

"Deep talks?" you ask, putting down everything that you’ve ordered. Everyone but Simon, laugh.

“More like, bullshit,” Simon murmurs, and everyone decides to ignore it. Again, and you’re not really surprised by this. If someone is dark and broody, it’s always him.

"We just need a woman's view on this.” Kyle grins, patting an empty chair right next to him; you sit without thinking. "We were talking about relationships."

"Uh-huh. And what about those relationships that caught your attention so much?" You raise your eyebrow. Sitting, obediently.

"Military.. How tough it is" Price explains, his gaze darting between Johnny and you. You miss how knowing his eyes are right at this moment. "And Simon said it's pointless anyway."

“I didn't." Ghost rolls his eyes, his attention at you. "I said, why is it so important to have someone, since we’re in town maybe a few times a year, and there’s another fuckin’ mess out ‘ere.”

“Well, you can—”

“—Some people aren't made for relationships. You find someone here, or you just stick to nothin’. Won't you agree?"

You close your eyes for a moment. Simon’s aggressiveness in this topic makes you wonder if he doesn’t have some problems—maybe with a girl that he likes too much, maybe with someone else, where he struggles to find the right balance? Maybe with your friend that he got close with lately.

A right response here is hard to build, so you think for a minute, playing with the glass of your drink. Hard because he has a point. Why bother, if something won’t work out anyway?

"I think everyone is made for love. Relationships, no relationships, but for love," you start, carefully picking word by word. "And if you want something really bad, then you shouldn’t just quit because it’s hard or because you’re in town a few times a year."

He doesn’t answer; he just nods, like he gets what you wanted to tell him. He disappears after five minutes, a phone in his hand, and you know that one girl might be lucky today’s evening.

"And you?" Gaz asks, looking at you. "Me what?" you raise your eyebrow, sipping your drink. Unfazed, and you’re not sure if you just act this good, or if you really are clueless. "Would ya fit in a relationship?" He mimics your expression, just to laugh a second after. “Our team sweetheart has to have someone, even on a side.”

"Who knows. I wait for the right time, the right person. Stuff like that." You explain; and with that, Gaz puts his arm around you.

"You know, I could take you out."

Strong hands go around your waist, picking you up, before you even get to answer Kyle—how he can certainly try, how maybe it would be funny, considering you two want something different in life, but if he feels lonely, you can introduce him to some pretty girls. You don’t get to joke with him like that, as you’re now seated straight on Soap’s thighs.

Heat radiates from him so much that you think you don’t need alcohol to warm up anymore. It feels right. Being here, so close to him, the smell of whisky and a couple of beers clinging to him just like you are right now.

It’s ironic how, in general, you hate the smell of alcohol, but right now, intoxicated, you think it’s comforting. The smell of whisky mixed with some beers, his big arms, now around you like some kind of protection. You think you can die right now, right here.

"Find another, Garrick. That's my girl.” Soap’s eyebrows raise a little. It’s innocent and playful, how he looks at Gaz, but there’s some kind of threat in it too, making your throat burn. 

Soap's calloused fingers grazes against your bare arm—it takes all your willpower to not shiver right now. Whatever he does to you, whatever he means with this close proximity, he does it right. You’re all gooey inside, thinking how those hands could fit somewhere else even better. 

"Someone's getting cocky" Alejandro murmurs, chuckling when he sees your face. "Protectin' what's mine, 'st it.” He looks at Gaz. Your friend drinks beer, but it’s evident that he wants to laugh so bad, and you can’t really blame him. "Ain't that right, bonnie?" He nudges you, playfully.

(Yes. Yes, yes, and you would say that you can’t really imagine yourself with someone else, but—)

"Not yours, honey. Keep dreaming," you say instead, giving him a crooked smile. You fix his messy mohawk, while he groans at your response, his head turned towards the guys.

(But you’re trying to maintain at least a little of your dignity. Last drops.)

"You're so easy to rile up, mate. She’s like my little, annoying sister, I could never!" Gaz grins, looking between you and Johnny, like he knows something. And he probably does, but you do not think about it, about the possible consequences.

"I'm not riled up." Soap rolls his eyes, sighing. "Anyway. Someone's gotta care for ye. And who's gonna be better than me, them? Not really." He whispers the last two sentences to your ear, when others stop paying attention to you both. Normally, you couldn’t care less, but when his hand is so close to the zipper of your pants, you feel like you’re going to faint any second now.

"That’s not very nice," you whisper. He raises his eyebrow, as if confused, if you mean his fingers grazing the zipper, or his comment. Honestly, you don’t know either.

Probably the latter, but you don’t care about that now. You take his glass of whisky and drink it in one swig, eyes narrowing at the bitter taste. It’s not good, it’s hideous, but it burns. And now, whatever burns, is your best friend.

"You ain't nice either, lass. I really wanted that drink."

You raise your eyebrow, partly amused by the half-whining tone. "You’ve had enough,” you note quietly, shrugging. "Besides, I'm your girl, I have different rights, yes? I care for you."

Last sentence brings a smile on his face, and he nips at your shoulder once, resting his chin here right after. He closes his eyes for a second.

"Damn right. Don't ye ever forget that,” he sighs, faux exasperated. He speaks up after a few minutes, when you two are more invested in listening than talking to each other. "Do ye really think like that?" And you raise your eyebrow in confusion, which makes him chuckle. "That everyone deserves love, I mean."

You nod, shifting a little on his legs, to look at him better—he’s the definition of a puppy. His cheek lies now against your arm, and he looks up at you with those big, blue eyes, small smile on his lips and that drunk attitude you should hate him for, but somehow, it only adds to the picture of him being just perfect. 

"Everyone does. Even a little, love is... a powerful feeling. Gives you more purpose in life, motivates you to do things. It’s like a magic feeling, and it’s annoying as fuck, but I think it’s so worth it.” Words flow out of you, flowing out of you—you’re not sure if it’s alcohol speaking, or you’re trying to… actually coax something out from him.

Maybe both because you’re finding yourself asking, "You loved someone yet?"

There’s a silence coming from him, an unusually long one, before he speaks. "Maybe? I don't know." He shrugs, sighing to himself, deep in thought. You squint your eyes. "Love doesn't work out for me, I rather stick to my true lover. Military, ye ken?" he chuckled.

You nod, like you understand, but you don’t. You don’t understand that, and how your heart squeezes at the thought. It’s ridiculous. "Like, not good for relationships, not for love. I dinnae think it is worth my time, and I don't like being in relationships, really. And we have this whole operation, ‘s better to just unwind here and there. Ye get it, right? Whole being not in a relationship thing, we're the same."

We are?, you think to yourself, scrunching your nose and giving him a forced smile, like you’re amused to hear what he is saying right now. 

You think you’re stupid. You had hopes, weird ones, and now you’re just left back in the same spot that you were months ago. With one slight difference, that is, which is actually acknowledging your feelings to him. Not leaving them in the parking lot, not sweeping them under a rug, not making excuses that you feel so strongly for your friend that it can be easily mistaken for love.

Worst thing is, it's not like he said something mean or pointed directly at you to be sad, but after so many nights of sleeping safe and sound when either of you had a nightmare, or little kisses, or after the last time when he made out with your pussy, you thought he—

Right. He’s right—you should get it, you don’t like the relationships either, it has never worked out, that was something that you've talked a lot about, especially drunk. But maybe, just maybe, a relationship with Soap would actually work out. Military with a military. No need for being understanding when you share a world.

He likes movies, as much as you. Cinema would be a perfect spot for a date, seats in the back specifically to either comment and share your opinions, or just makeout, hoping no one would see you two. And as annoying as the thought is, because you hate the people that display their affection in public, you think he’d be the perfect man to actually make out with, when in a relationship.

Little kisses, whispering sweet nothings, giggling like idiots to each other when someone would give you both the look of disapproval or irritated scoffs, because they want to listen and enjoy their movie without any commentary. And knowing Johnny, he’d probably flip them off and continue what he had in mind.

You feel as the embarrassment flows all over you, when you remember that you’ve already imagined something fancier, too. Dinners, mostly, with him in his black attire with a button up that is absolutely devilish and making the two of you slide into the bathroom stalls in the middle of meal just because. Opening doors for you, holding your hand, telling his jokes (more or less appropriate) and looking at you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Showing you off to strangers because he has no restraint whatsoever.

His favorite color is green, so you'd probably wear a green dress, just to keep his attention on yourself. After the dinner, on the walk home or to some fancy place, you wouldn’t obviously bring a jacket or a coat to shield yourself from cold, so you could just steal something from him, or force him to share his warmth with you. One way or another, drowning in his cologne that you are already familiar with, but you can never get it enough.

And after that... God only knows what would happen—either his place, yours, or simple goodbyes, and after that, cute messages about how good the date was. How you’d want to meet again, to try at least balance this simple life off-duty, squeezing in-between visiting relatives.

But none of that will happen, he already told you he doesn’t see himself in that.

Love.

Shit, with years you get stupider. You had hoped that the weird, rom-com moments in your mind had died in your early twenties.

Besides, how could it happen? You’re both military. That could get you both expelled (in the worst case scenario—because you don’t think Price would be that much of a dick). 

"Oh. I see.” You smile weakly, taking another glass of tequila—you have it in one chug, preferring to drink it rather than to pretend everything’s fine right in front of Soap. 

He spoke his truth. You think you shouldn’t be mad, but you thought that it meant something for him in terms of…

Your eyes snap up, when you feel someone’s gaze on you—and you find Alejandro looking at you, a little bit concerned. Like he actually heard something from the conversation, and your stomach tightens automatically. You don’t want to appear weak. Especially not in front of them.

So, like you don’t know what he possibly means, you raise an eyebrow. And you do it with the wrong person, giving that Alejandro sends you a look full of disapproval, mouthing something, but you can’t make out what, so he just breaks eye contact, sighing to himself. 

Soap, on the other hand, looks like he’s a kicked puppy, when you glance back at him. Eyebrows furrowed, a small pout on his scarred lips, like he’s trying to get why you are the way you are. Like you didn’t give him the bone he wanted, and now he’s confused.

"Something’s wrong?" He shifts a little under you, restless. You try to pull back, to sit back on your seat, but he tightens his arm around your waist, grabbing your chin to make you look straight into his eyes. 

Annoying piece of shit, he is. “Lass, c’mon.”

“Everything’s peachy.”

“Yer mad at what ah fuckin’ said,” he says, his accent thicker. Probably the aftermath of alcohol.

"No, no. Why? We are the same, after all. I understand everything you said,” you reply with bitterness, standing up. 

The alcohol makes the whole thing sadder than it should be. 

Soap’s hand shoots up, to try and catch your wrist. "Lass, fuckin' hell—”

“—I’m gonna grab you, real quick. Sorry, amigo. I’ll have her back in five, yeah?” Your guardian angel says, catching your wrist before your best friend does. You don’t glance at him back, afraid of what you’ll see. Instead, you just look wide eyed at Alejandro, that sends the both of you a smug smile, maneuvering you to trail behind him. You don’t even know where he is going, until you see other people dancing in this part of the building.

You just hear the protests, some curses, and Price’s low voice. It’s hard to say what he grumbles, but it makes the protests quiet down.

“Thanks,” you eventually say. It takes you two swirls and one quick glance around the bar to do it, and Alejandro smiles, like he gets you. Probably, he does. “I’d come for a smoke if it wasn’t you.”

“I always was against it,” he quips, and you silently laugh, squeezing his dominant hand that leads you through the makeshift dance floor. It’s this moment when you think you could be a little better at dancing—because the difference between your and Alejandro’s skills are massive.

It’s like hiking in your friendly neighbourhood versus climbing Kilimanjaro. You have faith that most people here are drunk anyway and they don’t see a difference.

“Troubles in paradise?” Your friend asks, and you take a deep sigh. Tired, seeing in your imagination how he’s yet another person from the team that will speak about your relationship with Soap. 

Where, ironically, the second subject of this conversation, didn’t speak with you about it in other terms than Ah wanna fuck ye or I think you’d look good under me or other sexual stuff. Never something like oh, hey, relationship seems to be kinda weird now, can we talk, and then fuck later?

“No paradise, no troubles,” you retort, giving him a smile, when he rolls his eyes at your shit. Which he could sense from the other room, as you’re not good at lying to him.

After a few minutes, and a few more spins (that do no good to your head), he drawls, “He looks at you, you know.” It makes you glance towards Johnny, whose eyes are practically burning a hole through you two. You can’t quite tell, but you swear that his fingers were gripping his beer a tad too tight.

“He’s allowed to.” 

Another vague answer from you appears to be funny, considering that he snorts, shaking his head to himself. “Could fool me. Soap might be stupid at times, but if you won’t tell him what’s up, you’re even stupider.”

You frown. “What are you, my mother?”

“I think I have a few years of wisdom to spare before I’ll turn into her, thank you very much.”

[cleolovesrin]

I just stumbled upon your work and I love your writing so much! May I request for dom bottom Isagi? If you don't write for those, sub Isagi is fine🙏🏻 Thank you!

PASS AND GOAL

Isagi’s competitive demeanor can cause a few quarrel between him and his lover— you. Especially that you’re as competitive as him.

Verse! Bottom! Isagi Yoichi x Verse! Top! Male!Reader

A/N: thank u sm anon, glad u liked my works!! Ofc you can req for dom characters :))! But this idea popped in my head since ure okay w sub isagi too, so i’m writing both sub and dom isagi here. Hope u enjoy! :pp

CW: aged up characters (pro player au), you and isagi r teammates, two smut scenes, bondage, anal sex, edging, overstimulation, cock rings, riding, doggy style, ass slapping, a lot of slapping in general, dacryphilia, size difference if you squint, breeding, degradation, reader is gahdamn beast, that’s kinda all tbh, lmk if i missed some!

DNI MINORS. Not proofread, may encounter grammar and typo errors

Being a midfielder and a boyfriend as a forward had it advantages. Years of relationships with your teammate has gave you both an advantage when it comes to connection. You knew him so well, your passes are perfectly calculated for his direct shots. His goals are just more impactful when you passed, compared to passes from his other teammates that weren’t just made for him.

Whenever you step in the field, it’s required for him to play as well and vice versa. You compliment each other so well, the whole world has known you and Isagi as an unstoppable duo.

The fact that both of you were competitive made both your play styles even more better. Every goal, every pass, every match, everything both of you do is done with precision and competitiveness.

But obviously— you were still human. You were already tired, but still playing with precision nonetheless. It’s just that your play style wasn’t as good now that you’ve been playing with full strength for hours. The timer ticked, the scores were tied. And your pass would determine whether or not your team would win.

As usual and expected— you passed to Isagi, he stood near the goal and awaited for your pass. Your muscular thighs kicked with precise strength. But again, you were tired. And your pass? It did reach Isagi. Except this time— your kick was a few inches off. Ending the game with a tie and would rematch instead.

Isagi was completely raged, the game was important for your team. And he knew he had to teach you a lesson for messing it up.

Later that night— you found yourself tied to a chair. Your legs struggled to move under the tight blue ropes wrapped around it. While your arms aches as it was cuffed behind the chair, and your upper body tied to the chair. Rendering you completely restrained from moving.

Isagi kneeled in front of you, his right hand jerked off the base of your huge cock. While the left one glided a cock ring too small for your size to your tip. The ring was too small to the point it could only fit on your tip. He slid it up and down fast, while jerking you off slowly.

You whimpered at the sensation. Your tip was angry red, begging for freedom and orgasm. While the base of your cock felt hungry, his slow pace wasn’t enough and the ring was already preventing you to cum.

“Y- Yoichi~! Please…I’ll be good, I’ll pass to you better next time…Just let me cu— aah!~”

Isagi’s hand squeezed your cock hard and increased his pace, but still kept the tight cock ring on.

“If your pass wasn’t so shitty, you’re probably cumming right now. But oh well.” His mouth made its way to your balls sucking on it harshly, his mouth only being able to fit one ball.

You moaned louder, pushing your head back in pleasure. Moaning your lover’s name while he sucked on your sack harsher.

“I know, d- darling— I’ll pass better next time…Please, let me cum…” You sobbed in pleasure and pain, feeling his warm mouth capture your balls. Your muscles flexed underneath the restraints, too lost inpleasure while your body writhed. Your hips bucking to the pleasure, chasing the warmth of his mouth and pace of his hands as you felt your high getting near.

But tears gathered in your eyes, the cock ring was still restraining your tip. Your fluids were trapped in your length, begging for reales.

Isagi bit your balls lightly, earning a cry from you. The chair rattled underneath you as you writhed harder. Still holding back nonetheless, since you might break the chair.

His hands and mouth pulled away from you, the pleasure you were chasing started to fade when he pulled away. You whined when he suddenly abandoned your aching cock.

He removed his pants in front of you, revealing his smaller cock bouncing out of his underwear. Then he turned around— his hole in display in front of you. You moaned at the sight, his pink hole twitched in anticipation, as if begging to be fucked by your cock. Your mouth drooled at the sight, completely entranced as he bent over in front of you.

“Apologize, tell me you’ll do better. I’ll ride your slutty dick when I’m satisfied.” Isagi brought his two fingers in your mouyh and gathered your saliva, you let out a muffled moan while wetting his fingers. He pulled away and brought your finger to his hole, your spit wetting his needy hole in front of you.

“I’m so sorry, my Darling. I’ll pass to you better. I’ll be good. I- I’ll be a good boy. Please…” You moaned out apologies like a chant, your mouth couldn’t stop a whimper. Your head spun around as the pain from the cock ring was unbearable, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

Your body craved pleasure, it craved his body. You couldn’t take your eyes away from him, seeing his fingers plunge into his plump ass.

His digits dragged in and out of him slowly, your saliva and his slick dripping out his hole. Isagi moaned lowly as his fingers hit his prostate. Digging deeper in his hole. He stopped when he heard you whimper. Still crying out apologies.

He turned around, his hands went to your cock. Slowly removing the cock ring.

“Don’t cum yet.” He ordered. You whined in response, but nodded nonetheless. Biting your lips as you tried to stop your cock from releasing the cum gathered from his edging earlier.

Your tied legs trembled from relief, your tip twitching aggressively.

Isagi’s hands grabbed your shoulders for support as he straddled your lap. His hand barely covered your shoulders, your muscles were too big and your body is far bigger than Isagi’s.

His hands glided around your muscles— squeezing your tense biceps then traveling to your pecs. Playing with it teasingly.

A moan escaped your lips when his fingers squeezed your nipples. The ropes struggled to keep your strong body as you arched your back, whimpering as he played with your nipples.

His palm collided with your face, causing you to wince in pain. He grabbed your neck, tightening his grip until you grunted— slowly out of breath.

“Are you gonna be a good boy on the rematch?” His own dick twitched seeing you struggle to breathe. Your moans and whimpers ragged. Your mind slowly getting hazy from the lack of air.

His hand grabbed your large dick, lining it up to his ass crack. Gliding it to his hole but he didn’t put your dick in. His hips moved up and down, teasing your dick as his smooth ass cheeks glided on your dick.

You whimpered, the pleasure building up but it wasn’t enough. Not at all. You could already feel his stretched out hole twitch, getting more and more impatient.

“Y- Yes— Ngh~ I’ll be good! I’ll be your good boy! P- Please— a-aah~!” You stuck your tongue out, panting as you caught your breath. You made a feeble attempt to chase the pleasure— bucking your hips, looking like a rutting slut in heat.

“Don’t move.” He slapped your face again, making you cry out in protest. Desperation was seeping in you, your dick aching for pleasure.

“Promise me you won’t be useless next match, yeah?” Isagi squeezed your dick, you screamed out a moan. Arching your back at his calloused hand suffocating your length.

“Yes! O- oh my— a- aah~! I’ll be useful for you next time! I’ll pass to you s-so~ good~!”

“Good boy.”

He slowly sinked down your length— his plump, pink hole swallowing your length. Your eyes rolled back, the euphoric feeling of pleasure made your mind fucked dumbed. You couldn’t think straight anymore, too consumed from the pleasure his hole gave you.

His warm, gummy walls squeezed your length. Fingering wasn’t enough to prepare himself from your length. His walls tightened around you, trapping your dick in him.

“S- shit. You’re so big. Fucking slut.” Isagi moved his hips slowly, pleasure also taking over him. He whimpered at your length, slightly frustrated that he could only take half of your length. Feeling full already when he hasn’t even reached the base.

“Y- yes! I’m your slut! Your good boy!” You moaned out, drool dripping down your hung out tongue. Too fucked dumb now that Isagi was bouncing on your cock.

His thighs spasmed as he bounced harder and harder, trying to take every inch of your length. His stomach dented from your large length. He moaned out and arched his back, pleasure also getting to him.

He pushed your head to his chest as he arched his back. You moaned as your mouth captured his nipple, sucking on it like a hungry dog. Lapping on it and sucking it like there was no tomorrow.

You moaned while sucking his nipples, imagining his nipples produce milk. Your tip twitched at the thought of him breastfeeding you.

Isagi moaned louder, riding you harder and rougher as his high was nearing. Your tip was twitching so much, a sign you were near.

“I- I’m gonna cum~! Please, let me cum…~!” You whimpered, begging him for release.

He pulled your hair, your head sent reeling back as you faced him. His hand made its way back to your throat squeezing it harder, you gasp in pain and pleasure. Tears poured out your eyes as it rolled back,

“Cum for me, my fucking slut.”

His hips slammed down your dick. Both of you moaned out in pleasure.

You screamed a moan, your tip bursted out your fluids. Hours of edging and teasing made your balls so heavy, making it release so much cum. His stomach dented even more as your cum and your big dick filled him up.

Isagi moaned as he arched his back, squeezing your throat harder as his own tip squirted out cum. Feeling your warm load fill him up, he felt it inside his guts. Your whole length wasn’t even in, only half of it was enough to fill him up to the brim. He whimpered at the thought, riding out his high as you also bucked your hips.

A few moments later, he finally untied you and uncuffed you. Your mind was too dazed you didn’t even notice he was struggling to carry your huge frame to the bathroom. A warm bath ready for the both of you.

—————

The rematch was intense, the opposing team and your team was walking on thin ice. Every move, every pass, every goal was absolutely done with everything poured out.

Isagi ran near the goal post, getting ready to score a goal while you had the ball on the other side, ready to pass to him.

You kicked the ball with absolute precision, every inch was perfect, the trajectory was exactly as you planned, making sure that it was made for your lover.

But somehow, just somehow, his kick missed. The whole crowd was shocked, the coaches, your teammates, even the opponents, especially you. Completely in disbelief he missed.

You had other chances to pass to him again, but he still kept missing. It was already a tie for both teams, everyone felt tense. Especially you and Isagi, who can’t kick right with your pass.

You both eventually had to adapt. Your other teammates had to score the last goal. Ending the game with a win, but you were even more frustrated. Ending the game without your pass being the highlight made you mad. Then you looked at Isagi, who looked at you in fear. Knowing what was ahead of him.

You threw him to the bed roughly. He screamed in shock as he heard your heavy footsteps coming behind him. He tried to crawl away, but his legs were pulled back. Then he heard your belt buckle behind him, his legs trembled in anticipation.

“How many fucking goals did you miss?” Your hand gripped his legs tight and the other held your belt.

“F- five…” Isagi whimpered, looking back to your hand that held your belt.

‘SMACK!’

Isagi screamed, the pain inflicted on his clothed ass ached. Your belt was leather and thick, its smack echoes around your shared bedroom. The fact you were strong as fuck didn’t help. With your strength and anger, his ass is definitely turning red tomorrow and he wouldn’t be able to sit without being in pain.

Your hands pulled down his pants. But the pants were stopped by his belt, tightly wrapped around him. You growled in anger, impatience was taking over you and you don’t have any time undo his belt. So you nails teared through his pants, the fabric easily tearing.

His eyes widened when he felt cold air his it ass and a loud tear was heard from behind, he quickly turned around to see his pants teared to shreds.

“H- hey! That’s expensiv— a- aah~!”

‘SMACK!’

Your belt collided with his bear ass, bringing your hand to grip his ass tightly. He whined as felt his ass get played with, the pain of your belt still lingering.

“I’ll buy you another one. Now take your punishment like a good whore.”

‘SMACK!’

‘SMACK!’

‘SMACK!’

‘SMACK!’

“H- hey! That’s more than five…” Isagi’s legs trembled, unable to keep his own weight up as he felt another smack land on his ass. He whined in pain, struggling to stand up.

“I know. Just wanted to smack you more.” You threw your belt to the side and unzipped your pants. Pulling down your pants and underwear, exposing your hard length.

His hole twitched— seeing your length rock hard made him nervous. Sure, he can take it when he’s the one to dom. But if you dominate him? His mind will absolutely explode. Because you aren’t the kindest person when mad and horny.

You spread his cheeks wide open, revealing his twitching hole. He whimpered when he felt your warm spit enter his hole. Your saliva coating his walls.

“I- I don’t think you should put it all in— [name]~!” His back arched, he moaned out a scream. Your length entered him, shoving it roughly. Then thrusting with all your speed.

He whimpered, the pain and pleasure mixed into one. Your hard and fast thrusts made his legs tremble crazy, his thighs twitching like a broken toy. You grunted out in pleasure, completely lost in his warm hole while you thrusted all your length to him.

Your hands grabbed his hips, lifting his smaller body up in the air. You controlled his body as if he was a fleshlight, lifting him up and down on your cock whilst your hips also met his. Then, you shoved down all your length into him. Making sure that every inch was in his tight, slutty hole.

He screamed out in pleasure and pain, what he thought wasn’t possible came true. Every inch of your cock was shoved in him, as if reaching past his guts. He moaned at your roughness. Your every thrusts sent him to both pain and the haven of pleasure.

“Fucking whore, can’t even score goals. Did you miss just to get fucked like a whore, huh?” You slapped his ass, making your thrusts rougher than it already was. Isagi whined when he felt your hand hit his ass again. He shook his head,

“N- No! I’m sorry…I-I’ll do better next time…ngh~!” Tears flooded his face, his blue eyes rolled back as he cried. His words struggled to become coherent from your rough treatment. Your large cock intruding every part of his insides. He didn’t have to worry about his prostate getting hit, because your cock grazed every surface of his hole.

“If you’re sorry… Take all my cum like a good fucking whore.”

“Y- yes— Oh my god! Yes, Daddy! A- aah~! I’m your good fucking w- whore— ngh~!” He moaned out incoherently, his words struggled to sound straight. Your dick was too big and rough, he couldn’t speak properly. His mind turning to mush with every move.

Your dick twitched, you felt your dick grow sensitive. You were near, so your thrusts became even more rough. Your heavy balls slapping against his ass. Sloppy squelching noises and Isagi’s moans filled the bedroom.

You thrusted one last time, your hands pushing his hips to yours as hard as you can. Isagi moaned and sobbed loudly, his own small dick twitching as it squirted out his own cum. Feeling your warm cum fill him to the brim again.

You pulled out after fucking him through your high, his hole leaking out your liquids. His gaping hole twitched as he felt empty again, moaning weakly from the phantom feeling of your cock.

You lifted him up, knowing he couldn’t get himself up anymore with how he’s basically half conscious.

You kissed his cheeks gently as you carried him bridal style to the bathroom.

“Let’s get you a bath ready, My love.”

[orange-sora]

When I was reading TGCF, I was making notes after every volume. Basically, I was writing about things I liked, what I thought might happen next, etc. Usual nerd stuff. I did this until Volume 5 because then, Volume 6 happened... 💀

But the point is, today I was just casually going through them as one does when they have a lot of free time. In one of my notes on Vol 4 and 5, I had written: "I think after all these years, He Xuan would have developed a little fondness for Qingxuan. Idk why they remind me of Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen."

And I was like, WHAT?? What aspect of that was similar to Yi City Arc?

So, like any sane person, I thought why not try figuring this puzzle out.

I went to wiki fandom to get a general idea of the plot since it's been too long now and I don't remember a lot of what happened in TGCF and MDZS.

In TGCF, by Vol 5, readers know all about Shi Wudu and He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan. We learned that Qingxuan had no idea about what his brother has done but is unable to oppose him even after the truth comes out. That He Xuan wanted revenge but gave Qingxuan "chances". And that eventually after being called Ming Yi, he snapped. We don't really find out what happened to the Wind Master until later.

In MDZS, Xue Yang, after being saved by Xiao Xingchen, exploited his blindness to trick him and make him commit crimes in some twisted attempt to undermine his morality. However, over time, his feelings changed and they lived some strange domestic fantasy until Song Lan shows up and is killed by Xiao Xingchen who commits suicide when he finds out the truth of what he has been made to do.

...

Well, they seem a bit... different. So I was like, whatever connection I was making at that time must have been a random thought. Case closed.

Until ☝🏻it hit me.

🥁🥁🥁

It's about the futility of revenge!! (Obviously 🙄)

In TGCF, when He Xuan shows up later on, disguised as Hua Cheng, he gives back the repaired Wind Master fan to a crippled mortal Qingxuan. Shi Wudu has been killed, Qingxuan has been punished, there was no "debt" left between them.

But He Xuan has already suffered throughout his life, has turned into a Supreme Ghost. And for revenge, he killed a friendship that can never be restored.

Maybe, he believed that there was no friendship between them to begin with since Qingxuan called him "Ming Yi". Maybe, despite denying being his best friend, he, in his heart, was friends with the person who supposed to be his nemesis and therefore, was supposed to pay him back for his suffering.

Maybe breaking Qingxuan broke him too.

In MDZS, Xue Yang, moved by Xiao Xingchen's kindness, craved the normalcy and "sweetness" of a calm everyday life. And Xiao Xingchen offered him a safe space, a family.

However, he denied himself this truth. If he acknowledged Xiao Xingchen's righteousness, it'd be harder to deal with his actions. So he justified his past cruelty as revenge. Only to live with the grief of having destroyed his good days by his own hands. Only to beg Wei Wuxian to restore Xiao Xingchen's soul, holding onto what's left until he died.

Maybe pretending to be Xiao Xingchen was his way of reliving those days. Maybe that's why he lived disguised as a dead man, walking around like a ghost.

Maybe killing Xiao Xingchen killed him too.

Neither of them got anything but pain out of their revenge. Which is how it is. Especially in their cases. Revenge can't reverse what's already passed. And revenge can't make your tomorrows better either.

Edit: Jun Wu and Nie Huaisang

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

okay I made this point rather pissily in the replies to some post or other, so I will try to make it again a little calmer in its own post but

my least favourite thing about the backlash to Andor overall and especially Season 2 and the resurgence of the discussion about the versions Rogue One went through as it became the movie we got (which is great and very interesting and Jesus Christ, some justice for Gareth Edwards and his team!!)... is this weird vibe I'm starting to get from a lot of people where "we really, really like this imperfect but very good movie" is shifting into "there was a version of this movie that I would have loved, but instead we got the worst version".

Like, I'm not trying to tell you what to think! And I too would be interested to see the original plans for the story! But... sort of in the same way I would love to see more concept art for my favourite animated films: because I'm interested in the craft and the process, not because I think the unfinished version was better and Tony Gllroy "ruined" it.

Because friends, let's face it: He didn't. We would all not be here if he had. We loved the movie that we saw in theatres, and we got attached to the Jyn we saw in theatres - and I use "we" deliberately, because I've seen all the gorgeous fanwork you all have made about the story we got over the years. And - again! - I'm not saying I wouldn't be interested in seeing a second version, one where Jyn was allowed to be more consistent with her backstory, and be a badass criminal, and one where we get an explicit romance. But honestly? I don't think I would have fallen in love with that story nearly as much as I did with the one we got.

I liked that Jyn wasn't mostly badass competent girlboss at the start. I'm not saying that she necessarily would have turned out to be some sad sexist caricature like... other... Star Wars ladies - but honestly, I have characters like that. And we got characters like that, by the way, because we got Saw! But mostly, honestly, I always thought "we're all Rebels, aren't we" and "I rebel" were kind of cringe, and I was delighted that they weren't in the final product. Because I think it's weird how they imply that being a rebel is sort of a purpose in itself for her - like it's not about who or what she's opposing so much as that she's being rebellious and contrarian and not like other girls people. That's something you see in fiction a lot, and it's always something that has never felt very real to me. That's not a sustainable motivation! You don't loose everything you have and keep going just because "fighting back" is who you are. And also, as someone extremely steeped in people privileged enough to exist and persist through two dictatorships in three generations by keeping their heads down, "it's not a problem if you don't look up" hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so good. It's so real. And Felicity Jones is a good enough actress to deliver that line in the one way that makes it work, where you can tell she doesn't mean it, and doesn't believe in it, but believes that it's the only way to live - and hates herself for believing that, and adheres to it anyway. I think allowing her to initially give in to survival instinct instead of being the brave strong self-sacrificing hero the story wants her to be is fascinating, and honestly narratively way cooler than having her also be a committed rebel who will stop at nothing to attain her goals. We already have that character. It's Cassian.

The way some people in my niche, who I know love this character and this movie at least as much as I do, are taking to talking about Jyn and the movie as a whole feels kind of disingenuous to me. And again, I'm not saying they're lying about their stances to make a point or anything. I'm just saying I think some of us are starting to loose the forest for the trees at this point. Like did you really always think that Jyn was actually a bad part of this movie and that she was a squandered opportunity and that she conformed too much to what the sad old brothers Gllroy want women to be? Because I think in many ways Jyn became a little better of a female character via the changes - the only thing that's changed post Andor is realising that this was probably fully an accident. Because yes, they were trying to diminish her and tone her down, but I actually think that turned out very much for the best. It gave her more of an arc, and also it allowed her to be flawed in an uncool way, which female protagonists are so rarely afforded. It wouldn't have struck me as much if her flaw had been that she was ruthless and efficient (which, again, she still is in the movie we got, we just don't see as much of it). She got to be imperfect in a way that isn't admirable, but human, and I really think that's better, and I'm willing to bet a lot of you also thought that. Don't let it get lost in the very valid criticism of Gllroy's unending sexism towards his leading ladies, but especially towards Jyn.

Also, is his obsession with who Cassian is and isn't fucking and is and isn't in love with at any point in his life deeply strange and offputting? Sure is! Doesn't change the fact that I think the change from a semi-established relationship that ends in survival and marriage to an unspoken blossoming something that got cut short by a heroic act of sacrifice is a better story. Again, I am discovering that Gllroy apparently didn't understand what he did right at all, but it is a better story. Also, sorry to say, I will sooner take all the meekness and reduction in the female lead and all the Bor Gullet nonsense over not having this story end in a total party kill. Everything this movie is to me came from the fact that they went there knowing it was suicide and then it was. Because that is so rare, and such an infinitely good, correct move for all those characters and the story they're in. Again, just my two cents, but this strange new drift that actually, we always thought all of the changes were kind of bad and oh if we could only live in the world where we got the og story... I get that you're curious, but I'm also very, very certain that I would still prefer the version we got. Even if Gllroy clearly had all the wrong reasons for changing it and it's great someone is calling that out, I still think ultimately we all got so upset with it because we did love the story that we got, and I'm getting a little tired of people increasingly acting like that wasn't any good, actually.

You're giving this clown too much credit.

[artsyunderstudy]

WIP Wednesday

Hey everyone! I hope you're all surviving. I'm sadly struggling with all the current events and my only real solace is working on There are Monsters in the Wood which I did finally start posting. Really lovely to be active on AO3 again because it's truly helping me. I'm trying to get back into reading fic, too. Everyone who is writing and posting right now: I appreciate you so much. I am including some fic recs under the cut.

Here is an excerpt from chapter 2 of Monsters, which will be posting on Sunday.

The quiet doesn’t last. There are distant, careful footsteps. Even with my eyes shut, I know who it is. I almost groan, picturing him tall and haughty, his shiny brushed black hair. When I open my eyes, that’s exactly what I see. He’s already glaring down his long nose at me from across the path.  Of course. Prince Basil. Basilton. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, what a name.  I glare back. He never wears leathers. Only silk and velvet. Judging by the way the plush of it catches the light, his gown today is the latter. A bold purple lined in fur, though it’s hardly cold enough for furs. The doublet beneath is patterned with golden vines that reflect the light as if made of real gold. What a peacock. Do they not teach him to fight? Is he too fine for that? I wonder if anyone’s ever knocked him into the mud or if his warm, reddish skin bruises as easily as spoiled fruit.

Recs and tags under the cut!

On The Rocks by @noblecorgi is getting close to finished and it's truly been like, a thing that's kept me going during some harder times. The honest way it deals with mental illness and trauma and addiction is really gorgeously and empathetically handled. Recent chapter has my tummy doing backflips.

Questions We Don't Ask by @prettygoododds is also a standout, deals with the really complex and painful reality of adultery while also being kind of ridiculously hot??? It's really well done, I'm completely hooked no matter how it ends.

more than a footnote by @mooncello just wrapped up a few weeks ago and it is a triumph, especially considering I really wasn't terribly invested in DeNiall when I started reading it. Heath's character work is outstanding and beautiful and nuanced, the relationship deeply compelling, the sex is gorgeous, and they truly made these characters their own. I am in the middle of a reread and really soaking it all up. Please please give it a read, I promise you will be obsessed with it.

The Salisbury Boy by @alleycat0306 also has me by the throat. It's dark and fucked up and complicated and deeply sexy, and also the plot is SO fascinating. I am so absorbed by this world, and desperate to read more.

A Horse With No Name by @shrekgogurt (with art by meeeee) okay obviously I have a personal stake in this one BUT also Mary's so fucking good. It's so GENRE. The western vibes of this fic are so outrageously fun and good, and I'm so delighted by the story itself. It's incredible and I'm super excited to be a part of it for COBB.

I know uh, a few of these are heavy reads. That's kind of my jam! But if you love angst and messy feelings, the ones above are beautifully done. Also encouraging everyone to leave even short comments on people's fics, I think a lot of people need community more than ever. And also if a story is helping you through a tough time, as an author that's a really powerful thing to know. I say this not for myself, just for fic writers in general. I'm trying to be better about letting people know they make a difference, even if it's just a brief escape from The Horrors.

Tags and hellos!

@stitchyqueer @rimeswithpurple @imagineacoolusername @ileadacharmedlife @aristocratic-otter @letraspal @whatevertheweather @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @raenestee @shrekgogurt @prettygoododds @brilla-brilla-estrellita @ivelovedhimthroughworse @martsonmars @c0nsumemy5oul @facewithoutheart @alexalexinii @iamamythologicalcreature @supercutedinosaurs @best--dress @messofthejess @mooncello @orange-peony @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @youarenevertooold @that-disabled-princess @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @blackberrysummerblog @nausikaaa @thewholelemon @cutestkilla @emeryhall @hushed-chorus @forabeatofadrum @roomwithanopenfire @noblecorgi @monbons @run-for-chamo-miles @skeedelvee @valeffelees @ic3que3n @drowninginships @talentpiper11 @fiend-for-culture @leithillustration @j-trow-95 @bookishbroadwayandblind @the-beard-of-edward-teach

[veliseraptor]

Yi City Genderbend AU?

I do not write a lot of genderbends for a variety of reasons mostly having to do with my own genderweird feelings (the Sam thing is a very weird and serious outlier), but sure! I feel like @stripedroseandsketchpads has done this one and probably better, but let's see what I've got in the ol' skull

this is a very interesting setup actually because it adds another layer of outsider onto the three boys. (I'm leaving A-Qing a girl because she just feels right that way and also I feel like it.)

now in addition to being independent cultivators not affiliated with a major sect, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are also women, and while it is partly danmei bias that there are very few women in the mdzs/cql world and the ones that are there don't have a lot of power, it doesn't seem out of place with the general world state to assume that's deliberate in-world. so while Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen aren't any less powerful in terms of their cultivation strength, they have even less influence than in canon, and are even more easily disregarded by those in power. Jin Guangshan can probably brush Xiao Xingchen off even more easily.

(I do like thinking about how Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen in this AU would still be folk heroes but probably more marginal ones, but they would be particularly popular among female cultivators. icons both to the women. source of several gay awakenings.)

and then there's Xue Yang, who, again: another layer of outsider and another layer of vulnerability, and the way I can see that possibly further intensifying her "fuck the world, get mine" mentality as an explicit rebellion against societal expectations of her specifically as a woman. it is important to me that this genderbend changes absolutely nothing about who Xue Yang is as a person. it may make her worse. a whole new bonus chip on her shoulder!

also thinking about how this inflects Xue Yang's relationship with A-Qing. I think it would make her identify with her even more than canon Xue Yang already does, but I think this AU might make her feel more kindly disposed toward her, in her way. on the other hand, this would make the perceived betrayal of A-Qing turning on her hit harder, and Xue Yang's reaction even more intense.

I am torn on if A-Qing is marginally friendlier toward Xue Yang as well or even more suspicious of her and kind of landing on the latter.

as in most of my headcanons but perhaps even more so here, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan's relationship is completely, painfully chaste. neither of them are thinking about it. nobody is going to say anything. they do not touch. Xiao Xingchen in particular definitely is not considering lesbian sex, ever. she is not looking, she does not see it. another thing that, while somewhat true for me in canon, is even more true in this AU, because of specific attitudes around women and sex.

anyway I think in my ideal version of this AU events themselves would more or less proceed the same, miserable tragedy and all, it would just be a different flavor based on the exploration of how a gender change would impact these characters and the flavor of their relationships to the world and each other.

[epickiya722]

Thinking about these posts (here and here) again and Midoriya being in the Support Course, I was trying to figure out why I don't take to that specific AU as much despite liking the idea and I think I figured out why.

There's never really that balance and/or that Midoriya we know from canon.

Granted, it's an AU, so he is going to be different from how he is in canon. Exploring different ideas, you get different results. That's fine.

But I think what really bothers me is that people make it to the only thing he can do is make support items and some super genius while taking away a lot of other traits Midoriya has.

Simply, sometimes he feels like a replacement for Hatsume, just more menacingly chaotic and super smart.

It's like having two Hatsumes when it can be Hatsume and Midoriya. There's no need to exaggerate Midoriya when Hatsume is there. (Pushing the female character out the way it feels.)

Which feels disappointing given that Hatsume is a great character on her own, despite being a supporting character (no pun intended).

What I love about Hatsume is that she is this rambunctious engineer with crazy projects, but is very capable of inventing gadgets that has helped the heroes.

She has her inventions that failed, but has succeeded in creating others that work even better. But it's not one or two times either.

Sometimes, it takes multiple times to get something right. Hatsume displays that.

With Izuku, he lacks that for me whenever I see him in that AU, sometimes. It's like "Okay, he came up with this gadget and it works right off the bat!"

I would say that falls right into how some people in the fandom likes to erase Midoriya's flaws to make him 100% perfect (while others tend to worsen the flaws he has).

Also, the reasoning as to why Midoriya joins the Support Course.

It just always seems he has to no other choice. It's either that or the General Course.

(The latter serving like a "I have a failed life" kind of out. Which makes me annoyed now thinking about it because the fandom was so quick to hate Horikoshi for making Midoriya a teacher but was already coming up with AUs were Midoriya has a worse life as an adult.)

It's like "I can't be a hero, so I'll make devices, I guess, for them because I'm smart enough".

Personally, because Midoriya can be inspirational and appeal to people while being smart (like being analytical) and taking notes, I could see him in the Business Course. He still works with heroes. Heck, he can be a hero to a hero! (Thinking about that one Team-Up Mission chapter.)

Now when it comes to being in the Support Course, I don't think his reasoning should always be "I can't be a hero because I have no Quirk".

How about... when he was younger he had a bike? Hear me out. It broke and instead of having Inko getting a new one or having someone else fix it, Midoriya took steps into trying to fix it himself? It took a lot of time and trials, but through that he realized "Oh, I like doing this" and he got older he got into the habit of fixing things that broke around the house and reading all he could on engineering and mechanics? He'd watch videos and heroes and analyze how their support gear works with their quirks.

Eventually, he insists on going into UA for the Support Course (or any school, but since Midoriya had his sights on UA).

Like, he can still hold that interests for heroes and being a fan while also liking mechanics and such and using his smarts for it. Being in the Support Course is Midoriya having two of his interests in one!

And just like in canon, him going to UA and meeting others he opens up more. He gets more confident in himself and his skills and feeling less insecure about being Quirkless, especially after meeting Melissa (like somehow he still goes to the island) who, too, is Quirkless.

He becomes friends with Hatsume and her quirky personality works hand in hand with Midoriya's own.

Sports Festival still happens. Midoriya wins the race the same way he does in canon. He and Hatsume are still on the same team for the Cavalry Battle.

Of course, the one on one battles goes differently for Midoriya, but even with losing he isn't heartbroken over it because "hey, I have projects I still have to figure out".

Anyways, that's enough rambling from me.

[bethanydelleman]

I want to be clear, I may wish for better representation of historical women in fiction or dislike tropes as a trend, but I rarely, very rarely, hate or even dislike female characters. It takes a lot for me to dislike historical female characters in general because even the "bad" ones are just trying to survive in a world where the odds are stacked against them. I mean, Lucy Steele from Sense & Sensibility sucks and I don't like her, but I understand the constraints that have led her to bad actions so hatred is impossible. Then again, it takes a lot of me to hate any person, fictional or real, because I was raised to view hatred as a something that one should be very careful about.

The only main character, male or female, I dislike in Jane Austen's collected works is Edmund Bertram from Mansfield Park. I'm having trouble even thinking of a female main character that I really hate from anything I've read or watched ever... I mean even the butchered version of Anne from Persuasion 2022, I don't hate her as a character, I'm more disgusted that some writer thought that Book!Anne Elliot was somehow unrelatable and needed to be replaced. I don't enjoy Eloise Bridgerton from Bidgerton because she feels like a very badly done modern insert, but I don't hate her. I end up defending a lot of hated female characters, even villains, because I find the hatred to be too much (Caroline Bingley & Lydia Bennet, for example). Usually I only dislike female characters if they are badly written and even then I blame the writing, though I don't hate the writer either, I just kind of regret the unrealized potential. Why add more hatred to the world anyway? Seems like enough is already directed at fictional (and real) women. Why not create more appreciation and understanding instead?

[tjerra14]

sure would like to not feel like suffocating every few minutes again

[sixoclocker]

red giant starlo au doodles

[snekdood]

anyways ppl with vaginas are amazing and not inherently less than anyone with a penis and if you disagree you can jump off a bridge <3

[puhpandas]

me looking at all of the teaser video release dates vs the actual chapter release dates for dbd seeing they're usually around 20 days apart and that I'll have to wait a long time to get any info about it bc itll come out so late and close to official release

[silusvesuius]

n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.